fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
