he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
