real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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