Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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