My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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