just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
