Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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