Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
