I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
