i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
