sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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