My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
