Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
