I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
