Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
