So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
