He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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