made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
