Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
