So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
