please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Im part way to drunk.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
