Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
