shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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