I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
