I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
