I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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