Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
