it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
