she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
