Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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