THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
