Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want nice things and good sex
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
