That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
