You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
