I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
