so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
