hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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