I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
