the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
