life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
