she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
