um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Terrible idea I love it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
