im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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