I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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