my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
