Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
