You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
