I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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