Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I look better un-naked...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
