i don't like sucking hair
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
