you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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