You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
